Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
