I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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