I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Who died my cat blue again?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
