I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So many bounce houses so little time
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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