i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
