3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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