her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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