where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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