I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
