gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
