It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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