I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
