Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
