She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh god it's open bar.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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