How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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