i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The adults are the big ones right?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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