my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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