If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
