Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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