so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
