So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
