Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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