Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
