drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
