I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
