i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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