she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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