Even the bartender felt bad for me
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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