Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
