How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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