I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
