if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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