I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
