I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
