I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
babies were throwing up all over the place
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
