Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
