Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
