Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
