i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
