I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
