The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
