Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
