Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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