so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
