i just wanna soil my oats bro
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
