I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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