where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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