Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
