Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
