i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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