Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I love you. Go after that dick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
