shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
