You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
