wakey wakey hands off snakey
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
